What is the difference between Mitt Romney and a sperm cell?
The sperm cell has a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How can you tell when Mitt Romney is lying?
His lips are moving.

What is the difference between Mitt Romney and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Mitt Romney is denying allegations that he is a “vulture capitalist.”
He has a point, vultures only take as much as they need to survive.

When did Mitt Romney decide to become a vulture capitalist?
When he realized he didn’t have the charisma to be an undertaker.

What is the difference between Mitt Romney and a bucket of dirt?
The Bucket.

Romney: all foam, no beer.

Romney: to succeed in politics, it may be necessary to rise above your principles.

Romney: knows the cost of everything, and the value of nothing.

Very short book: Mitt Romney’s Guide to Humanity.

How does Mitt Romney really feel about that?
Which Mitt Romney?